All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
