I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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