Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
