I heard we made out
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
