walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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