Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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