Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
