Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
