Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
