If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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