Swine flu. Run for my life!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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