Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
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