I wish I could teleport
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
