Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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