I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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