I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
