They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
