so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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