my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
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I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
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STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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