you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
