If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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