Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
