and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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