How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
