I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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