eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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