Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
