Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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