Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
