Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
