You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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