your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
