i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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