We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
