So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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