i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you