what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.