Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
