Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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