Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars