The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.