The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future