The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet