In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need to calm my uterus...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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