Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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