Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
