I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
