Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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