we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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