New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
