I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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