she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize