Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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