Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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