where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
