Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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