No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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