How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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