Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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