no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
