I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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