I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
