i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
