I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
