I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
