just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I didn't notice because vodka
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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